At Random
by septentrion
Summary: HGSS Drabbles mostly written for LiveJournal communities. Different situations and ratings, please check the warnings at the beginning of each drabble. Of course, no galleons are made with this bouts of silliness.
1. Fiction

**Fiction**

_Rating: M (adults only)_

_Challenge: caught!_

_Beta: Corisu_

He had taken her to collect mushrooms in the forest. They had eaten them for lunch; they had been delicious with cream. She thought she should take her leave then, but he stopped her.

"You're leaving already?"

"Well, I wouldn't want to intrude on your time."

"Silly girl, you know I like being with you."

He stood up, went to her and took her in his arms. He crushed her against him and began to show her how he liked being with her by kissing her passionately. They went on kissing for quite some time, but soon, it wasn't enough.

* * *

He led her to the bedroom; she was only too happy to follow. There, near the bed, he resumed their kissing and slid his hands under her clothing. She reciprocated; she was so glad that she would soon know what was under his black outfit.

She gasped when he moved his lips to suck her neck while tweaking a nipple under her bra. His leg insinuated itself between hers; she rubbed herself against his thigh. She pulled his shirt out of his trousers. Her ability to think clearly was obviously impaired, for she couldn't remember how to untie his belt.

* * *

He stilled her hands and began to undress her slowly, piece of clothing by piece of clothing, kissing and stroking the flesh that was gradually exposed to him. When he was done, he pushed her gently on her back on the bed. He undressed himself and joined her. He kissed her again, his hands roamed over her body, leaving no place uncharted, until she asked him to take her.

He placed himself between her thighs. He took time to rub his erection against her damp entrance, provoking fever in her and loud moans from her delightful mouth. He entered her.

* * *

His pace was slow at the beginning. It was not long before she urged him to go faster. He heeded her request; her moans got louder. He hushed her with a deep kiss, plunging his tongue into her mouth.

That was heaven! The friction of their sweaty bodies, inside and outside of her, was glorious. She shivered and cried, "Severus!"

"Uh?"

She opened her eyes. She had been so caught up in her fantasy that she had convinced herself for a moment that she was Hermione and Roger was Severus! Why did the Harry Potter books have to be fiction?


	2. Stolen Line

**Stolen Line**

_Rating: M (adults)_

_Challenge: pain in the arse_

_Beta: Corisu_

They were having a marvellous afternoon so far, with no well-meaning friends showing their worry for her since she announced her betrothal to him, no parents wanting to know about the colour pattern for the wedding, being able to make love without pesky interruption.

If you had asked Severus to express his opinion of those people who were constantly cutting in his time with his fiancée, he would have answered that they were a great pain in his arse, and if he were to suffer in his behind, he'd rather have it another way, preferably with Hermione giving the pain.

* * *

Their kiss was so deep that it felt like they were switching tongues, they were so entwined one could not guess where the man began and where the woman ended. They moaned in unison, it sounded like a prayer. They somehow parted to catch their breath.

Severus then flipped Hermione on her belly and poked her derriere with his erection.

"Would you like me to be a pain in your arse, my dear?" he murmured in her ear.

She pulled a dildo from under her pillow and, putting up her hand, she replied:

"That was supposed to be my line."


	3. Desecrated

**Desecrated**

_Disclaimer: see first chapter_

_Rating: G or K (all public)_

_Challenge: epitath_

_Beta: Somigliana_

_Warning: the glaring grammatical mistake in the middle is intentional

* * *

_

A bushy-haired woman and a tall man were looking at the modest yet desecrated stone:

Here lies Severus Snape, 1959-2000. _bastard_.

Born from TobiasSnape and Eileen Prince. _hope for their sake their dead._

He lived a dangerous life to allow us to live in peace. _death is too good for him._

His sacrifices allowed the defeat of He-Who-Could-Not-Be-Named. _must have been human sacrifices like Dumbledore._

He will be remembered. _Not. _

Obscene drawings of his dismembered body completed the harsh words.

Severus turned to the woman. "Hermione, are you now convinced I was right to choose to be someone else?"


	4. Barbaric Custom

**Barbaric Custom**

_Rating: PG (K+)_

_Challenge: Halloween Feast_

_Beta: Somigliana_

"Barbaric American custom," thought Severus, watching the young people attending a Halloween Feast somewhere in London from afar. Skeletons, ghouls, ghosts, vampires etc. The list of awful outfits was nearly endless. He found that one of them was interesting, nonetheless.

The woman dressed in a tight lioness costume showed very feminine curves. He itched to run his fingers under the faux fur, directly on her skin. He decided to follow her, intent on catching her off guard and having his wicked way with her.

Hermione felt a presence and turned to face her stalker.

She shrieked. "Severus, you scared me!"


	5. Why He'd Come

**Why He'd Come**

_Rating: PG, to be on the safe side_

_Beta by the wonderful Somigliana_

Severus didn't know why he'd been invited to the Halloween celebration taking place at Grimmauld Place. He'd killed Dumbledore, their idol; a few years in Azkaban weren't enough to wash him of his sins in the eyes of many.

However, he knew why he'd come. His reason stood in a corner, listening to whatever nonsense Ron Weasley was telling her. He'd been obsessed with Hermione Granger since he'd seen her testify at his trial. She'd tried to be objective; he'd found her magnificent. To see her again was the only thing that had fuelled his will to live in prison.

* * *

He slowly made his way towards her through the hatred of the crowd. When he was close enough to the fiancés, he heard the young woman scold the red head.

"Honestly, Ron, you're supposed to have more neurons than freckles!"

Ron blushed with fury; Severus thought for a moment that he was going to hit her, but instead, he turned around and left the room.

Grasping the opportunity, Severus presented her with a glass of pumpkin juice.

"Pumpkins were once recommended as a cure for freckles," he said.

Hermione burst out laughing.

'Yes, tonight, you will be mine,' Severus thought.


	6. Mind Your Own Business

**Mind Your Own Business**

_Disclaimer: see first chapter_

_Rating: PG_

_Challenge: ultimate challenge, in which you're supposed to use as many past challenges as possible in 100 words. Challenges used (13): Lupin saw it all, trouble with Harry, pumpkin, first kiss, seven deadly sins, traitor, in the dark, altering appearances, invisibility cloak, mind your own business, caught!, heart lies with the Order, pain in the arse_

_Beta: somigliana_

Lust overwhelmed Hermione. She never thought their first kiss would be so intense.

Out of nowhere, Harry took off his invisibility cloak and yelled, "Snape, you traitor! I've caught you!" He pointed his wand at Severus.

Remus, hidden in the shadows, had seen it all and Disarmed the young man.

Hermione sighed. Harry was quite the pain in the arse; he never got over his hatred for Severus, even though the latter's heart had always lain with the Order.

Severus thought it was time for a lesson: he Transfigured Harry's head into a pumpkin.

"Now, Potter, mind your own business!"


	7. The Reward

**The Reward**

_Disclaimer: see first chapter_

_Rating: PG13_

_Challenge: runaway_

_Beta: somigliana_

When Severus had seen the girls outside of his office, he'd cast the _Imperius_ Curse on them to make sure they'd stay out of his way. He'd given further instructions to Hermione Granger to meet him in three days. In the meantime, he'd kill the Headmaster and convince the Dark Lord to let him have the girl as a reward. 

Severus felt feverish - the girl would arrive soon. He hoped she'd still be a virgin; he felt his cock stir at the idea of taking her. If only Dumbledore had granted him his request for the girl to be his.


	8. Ms Granger

**Ms Granger**

_Disclaimer: see first chapter_

_Rating: PG_

_Challenge: ultimate challenge, in which you're supposed to use as many past challenges as possible in 100 words. Challenges used (12): __Minerva wants a word, married to another, Astronomy tower, when the ghosts intervene, mind your own business, the couch, movie quote - "impressive, most impressive," from Star Wars ep. 5 , buttons, caught!, dialog only, our Mrs Snape, in the dark _

_Beta: somigliana_

"Professor McGonagall! What can I do for you?"

"I'd like to have a word with you, Hermione. The ghosts have been complaining about Severus and you snogging like mad on the Astronomy tower every evening."

"Can't they mind their own business?"

"Need I remind you that Ronald Weasley is your husband?"

"Not for long. He's been sleeping on the couch for the last two months. We're going to divorce, and then I'll marry Severus."

"I see. You've decided to be our Mrs Snape?"

"Ms Granger, please."

"What do you see in him?"

"I like his buttons. They're impressive, most impressive."


	9. Life In Plastic

**Life In Plastic**

_Disclaimer: see first chapter_

_Challenge: Santa Severus_

_Rating: G_

_DacianGoddess has reread this for me, thanks so much._

"Mum, where is Dad?" asked eight year old Aurelius Snape.

"Pouting somewhere in the hope of escaping your grandparents' visit," Hermione answered rather bitterly. "He's been successful in this endeavour for the last fifteen years, but not this time. Now, go to your room to get ready, young man!"

As soon as her son was out of the lounge, Hermione turned to a scowling but otherwise cheerful plastic Santa Claus that was hanging in the Christmas tree.

"I promised you that I wouldn't budge this time, Severus. You've got no one but yourself to blame for your current condition."


	10. Back From Plastic

**Back From Plastic**

_Disclaimer: see first chapter_

_Rating: G_

_Reread by dacian goddess. Sequel to "Life in Plastic."

* * *

_

"Where is Severus?" Mr Granger asked his daughter.

"Hanging around; he shouldn't be long."

Mr Granger's face showed the deepest scepticism.

While her guests were busy taking a seat, Hermione strode to the Christmas tree, plucked a plastic Father Christmas from it, and Transfigured it back into her husband. Her gesture didn't go unnoticed by her family, who had frozen in various stages of sitting down and were openly staring at them.

Striving to limit the damage done to his reputation, Severus straightened his spine and spat, "Am I not free to do as I will in my own house?"


	11. Those Few Words

**Those Few Words**

_Disclaimer: see first chapter_

_Rating: G_

_Challenge: comfort and joy, movie_

_Reread by Dacian Goddess, who'd made this palatable

* * *

_

Seeing Han Solo being frozen in that _Star Wars_ film Hermione had insisted they watch together, reminded Severus of that moment just before he was supposed to receive the Dementor's Kiss. The bit of dialogue between Han Solo and Leia—"Han, I love you," and Han's answer, "I know"—were the exact words he'd exchanged with Hermione as the rotting monster was already hovering above him. He'd been pardoned by Minister Potter in a last minute favour for his dear friend Hermione.

Now, he was much older; but in hard times, he was still taking comfort in those few words.


	12. Drowning His Sorrows

_Challenge: elf-made wine _

_Rating: PG_

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess_

**Drowning His Sorrows

* * *

**

Severus was considering drowning his sorrows, that is to say himself, in the elf-made wine that was being poured in the chalice in front of him.

'Someone has to carry on the fight,' he reasoned with himself. 'I need my wits about me.'

"Severus, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were brooding."

Lucius was trying to make conversation, it seemed. Well, he'd answer, he'd plaster a smile on his face, and one day, he'd kill the tyrant. He'd avenge his Hermione. Then, he'd have one last glass of that elf-mad wine she liked so much, and kill himself.


	13. The Act Of A Survivor

_Written for the challenge "Babylon 5 episodes titles."_

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess_

_Rating: PG-13_

**The act Of A Survivor.

* * *

**

Death Eater, my arse! Since the Dark Lord's defeat, he'd been more of a Death Walker, dodging the Aurors in narrow escapes. "No surrender, no retreat," had been Voldemort's last orders, but none of his followers had obeyed. At least, he ought to be safe in the Muggle house he'd sought refuge in.

"Severus, come to bed!"

Now _that_ was an order he didn't mind heeding.

"Do you have something in mind?"

Hermione flashed him a very suggestive grin.

Convincing her that they were soul mates had been the act of a survivor, until he'd fallen in love with her.

-------------------------------

She'd found him in her parents' house. He'd acted as if he was the hunter, the spider in its web, and he'd spun her a tale about them being soul mates. But she'd never been his prey.

"Severus, come to bed!"

His eyes glazed with lust.

"Do you have something in mind?"

Hermione flashed him a very suggestive grin. The power she held over him was heady. She very well knew his loyalties had been divided in the past; but now, he was only hers, and would ever be.

"I want you to give yourself to me," was her answer.


	14. Retribution

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess_

_Rating: PG_

**Retribution

* * *

**

Professor Snape had always belittled her friends and her, using any of their weaknesses to ridicule and insult them.

_We've learnt so much in his classroom, though._

But in the end, he was nothing more than a horrible man; a traitor; a murderer.

_I'd never imagined he'd kill Dumbledore._

Hermione had just heard Harry's account of the evening's events. She was crying silently, slightly apart from the others. She'd respected her DADA teacher, but she'd always wanted to get back at him for his pettiness and harsh character.

_Not two hours ago, I'd have settled with fifty points from Slytherin._


	15. Bad Sex

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess_

**Rating: NC-17 (adults only)**

**Bad Sex

* * *

**

"Ouch! Don't tweak my nipple as though you'd want to unscrew a stopper!"

Severus looked at Hermione, nonplussed. Things were going very well as far as he was concerned.

"I'd be pleased if you could find my clitoris before breakfast. Do I need to impart some physiological knowledge to you?"

Severus felt his penis deflating as quickly as his anger grew.

"You seemed very keen on getting between my sheets, as I recall," he hissed. "You wouldn't leave me alone until you got exactly where you are."

"I've changed my mind. Fifty points from Slytherin for being a lousy lover."


	16. In Firewhisky Veritas

_Disclaimer: see first chapter._

_Written for the "tucking in" challenge._

_Rating: PG.

* * *

_

"To Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of all times."

Silence fell upon the Great Hall at Severus' toast, and hundreds of angry eyes settled on him. He wavered slightly on his feet and raised his glass, then downed his tenth Firewhisky of the evening.

McGonagall stood and caught his elbow. "Severus, I think it'd be best if you went back to your quarters."

He batted her hands away.

"I don't want you to put me to bed like a naughty child. I'd rather the young, sexy Miss Granger tucks me in."

On his left, the new Transfiguration teacher blushed deeply.


	17. Blackmail Is More Efficient

_Disclaimer: see first chapter._

_Reread by Dacian Goddess. Thanks, girl!_

_Rating: PG_

**Blackmail is More Efficient.

* * *

**

Hermione and Severus peered around the doorframe. _The very first thing they saw was a great red glow_. It dimmed, and then went out. In front of them lay the scene of Voldemort's demise: a shabby study, a standing Harry Potter, and an unmoving body.

They quietly retreated in the corridor: it wasn't safe at all for Severus to be seen—yet. Hermione didn't waste any time and set about snogging him wildly.

"We're going to be free to love each other," she whispered between two heated kisses.

"I would not be so sure of myself, if I were you."

-----

Hermione's eyes sought his own.

"I never thought he would do it." There was wonder and worry in Severus' voice.

"Is that so?" Hermione asked.

"I've bet on him losing. I have to leave." He was a bit annoyed by his admission, but if she really loved him, she wouldn't let him be thrown into Azkaban.

"Don't be ridiculous," she scoffed. "I've prepared proof of your 'innocence' for the Wizengamot. I plan on passing them to the Aurors as soon as we're publicly and officially engaged."

She'd always known blackmail would be more efficient than love to get the man.


	18. Genetics Repeats Itself

**Genetics Repeats Itself.**

_Reread by my dear beta, Dacian Goddess._

_Rating: G

* * *

_

The young woman was reading _Hogwarts, A History_ for the umpteenth time. Her bushy, brown hair was hanging on either side of her face, casting shadows on her book, yet she seemed unfazed by this. Her mother burst into her room and chuckled at the sight.

"Still reading that book? It's a wonder it doesn't fall apart!"

"Mum!" the young woman protested. "You know I'd never let that happen! This book has been in the family for decades."

"I know, dear. My great-great-grandmother was very fond of it. She'd read it from back to front even before she attended Hogwarts."

-----

"Well, the more I look at her photo, the more I think I look quite like her."

"Are you sure? It's true that I haven't looked at it for ages."

To prove her point, she held the book out to her mother to show her a wedding picture of a young woman with bushy, brown hair, and a tall, dark-haired man who would have been forbidding had he not been smiling at his bride.

"It appears that you're quite right, dear!"

The photo was labelled: _The wedding of Hermione Granger and Severus Snape, held in the Great Hall in 2002_.


	19. Fantasia

**Fantasia **

_Reread by my dear beta, Dacian Goddess._

_Rating: PG_

_A tagelmust is a 3 to 5, but sometimes up to 10 meter-long indigo dyed cotton combination both a veil and a turban. (wikipedia).  
A fantasia is a horse-riding or dromadery-riding spectacle in Morocco and in the Sahara that includes hundreds of charging horsemen (and women) wearing traditional clothing. (goafrica . about . com)  
_

_

* * *

_

Severus was sweating profusely under his tagelmust, and the reins of his dromedary were slipping in his hands. On her own dromedary, Hermione wasn't really faring better.

"Stop swearing, dear," Lucius shouted to her. "It's so unbecoming for the Dark Lord's right-hand lady."

She was starting to have regrets for helping the Dark Lord win the war. What was the need to establish diplomatic relations with the Tuareg marabouts? At least, the Order had been sensible enough to only search for alliances in temperate countries.

_I'd better concentrate on remaining seated on the damn beast, lest I become really ridiculous._

-----

Bellatrix and Narcissa joined them, riding elegant Arabic purebred. They'd claimed that dromedaries weren't refined enough for women of their calibre, and that Hermione, being a fighter, would be more at ease on a camelid.

She shared a look with Severus. She knew he was as annoyed as she, but he wordlessly promised her a very interesting night if she behaved. They couldn't displease their Lord.

"It's time!" Rodolphus yelled.

Hermione and Severus sighed and led their white dromedaries to where the fantasia would begin, while the other Death Eaters cheered them on. They had literally drawn the short straw.


	20. Monsters

**Monsters **

_All made better by my dear beta, Dacian Goddess_

_Rating: PG-13

* * *

_

"_Imperio_!" Severus intoned softly, his wand pointed at Bellatrix' back. The woman stopped running.

"What are you doing?" Hermione whispered from her position behind him.

"I will not let her inform the Dark Lord that she has been right all along; that I have been a traitor."

"Are you going to kill her?" Anticipation and anxiety were vying for dominance in her voice, and reverberated through the damp, stone-walled corridors.

"Yes," he answered fiercely, "but the Killing curse is too merciful for the likes of her."

They approached the frozen woman while talking.

"Severus, what do you have in mind?"

-----

"Come with us," he ordered the cursed Death Eater instead of answering Hermione. They walked along similar corridors until they heard a faint hissing. Hermione shivered in spite of her heavy cloak. She knew what was coming their way.

They halted. Soon, a gigantic snake appeared around the corner and slithered toward them, never ceasing to hiss angrily in their direction.

Severus was tense, ready to take action; Hermione was petrified, as if she'd met another basilisk; Bellatrix stood motionless and emotionless, thanks to the Unforgivable Curse Severus had cast on her. Face to face, each gauged the enemy's weakness.

-----

A very nasty smile, one of the shark species, appeared on Severus' face.

"Hermione, put the snake under the Imperius Curse. It should not resist it."

Hermione could swear Severus was giddy, but she didn't have time to ponder the wonders of life: she did as bidden. She didn't even object to what he asked of her next.

The serpent advanced on Bellatrix and slowly coiled itself around her frame. When the bodies of the two monsters were securely intertwined, Severus lifted the curse off of Bellatrix. The black-haired woman screamed as her bones shattered noisily under Nagini's powerful muscles.


	21. Always Listen To Your Inner Child

**Always Listen To Your Inner Child**

_Thanks to Dacian Goddess for rereading this._

_Rating: PG

* * *

_

The beast crept slowly into the dark room. It could hear the deep breathing that betrayed the presence of two sleepers in the bedroom. It stopped its advance abruptly when the woman moved and moaned in her sleep. False alarm. It resumed moving, and nested among the dust bunnies under the bed.

Suddenly, the woman sat up and screamed. The man beside her spoke sleepily.

"Hermione, what's the matter?"

"I dreamt there was a monster under our bed," she said, panting.

Severus snorted. "Only children believe such non-sense. Go back to sleep."

If the Lethifold could sneer, it would have.


	22. Wedding Jitters

**Wedding Jitters**

_Reread by my dear beta, Dacian Goddess_

_Rating: PG_

* * *

Harry found Draco in the kitchen.

"Couldn't sleep either?"

"Not when I'm to be my best friend's best man."

"The same for me," Harry answered. "We still have five hours before we have to be at Hogwarts."

Draco snorted. "Don't be silly. Have you ever seen newlyweds being on time?"

"Hermione and Snape are always on time!" Harry protested.

"I bet they will be late, wedding jitters and all that. Now, come here and kiss me."

Six hours later, a pale Hermione entered a silent Hogwarts Great Hall on her father's arm. Draco mouthed to Harry, "I told you so."


	23. Mnemonic Means

**Mnemonic Means**

_Rating: PG_

_Beta'ed by the efficient Dacian Goddess

* * *

_

Once in a while, Harry would pull a number of memories from his brain and pour them into his Pensieve. Then he would begin his pilgrimage through his past—his first lesson with Snape; Snape in the Shrieking Shack; Snape and Sirius in Grimmauld Place kitchen; Snape the night he killed Dumbledore, etc.

Harry needed this to feed his hatred of the man. Unlike his enemy, the feeling wasn't natural to him. He especially had a tendency to forget he wasn't supposed to like the dark man after a day spent in the company of Severus and Hermione's sweet children.


	24. Deer Heart

**Deer Heart**

_Rating: PG_

_Thanks to Dacian Goddess for beta reading faster than I could say "Severus".

* * *

_

"Out! Now!" Severus yelled at his class.

He stared with fury at the bloody mess spread on a student's desk.

_What a waste of potions ingredients_, he fumed.

He strode into his office to retrieve the device he needed. When he came back, he waved his wand silently above a soldering iron and set to work on the deer body part damaged by a teenager's lapse of concentration.

"What are you doing?" Hermione asked.

He nearly jumped out of his skin; he hadn't heard his wife come into the classroom. He answered her nonetheless.

"Trying to mend that broken heart!"


	25. Blue Potion

**Blue Potion**

_Rating: PG_

_Thanks to Dacian Goddess for beta reading this._

* * *

"Can I have some wand polisher, please ?" the customer stuttered. His ashamed behaviour left no doubt what kind of wand polishing he was alluding to.

"Of course," the shop owner answered. He handed the not-so-young wizard a vial containing a blue potion.

Severus smirked at the shy wizard's retreating back. To open his very own apothecary in Diagon Alley had been an act of freedom. To marry Hermione had been an act of love. On top of that, he was now the richest wizard in Britain.

Hermione's idea of diluting Viagra into a base potion had been absolute genius.


	26. Untwisted Knickers

**Untwisted Knickers**

_Rating: PG-13 for innuendo_

_Reread by my dear beta, Dacian Goddess

* * *

_

"Spousal duties? spousal duties? I'll show him spousal duties! Oh, Severus! Sorry, I didn't see you here," Hermione cried while entering the Ministry potions laboratory.

"Well, it seems someone has put your knickers into a twist."

"Ron reproached me for neglecting my spousal duties. He wanted to shag five minutes before I left. As if I'd be late for work for him!"

"Well, I _he_ /I is your husband, Hermione."

She grumbled something unintelligible.

"What? I didn't catch that."

"Nothing!"

Severus rolled his eyes and pulled her to him.

"My dear, I think you're in need of someone to untwist your knickers."


	27. Overconfidence Is A Sin

**Overconfidence is a Sin**

_Rating: PG-13 for torture (not descriptive)_

_Thanks to Dacian Goddess for her beta reading skills.

* * *

_

Severus poured the translucent liquid carefully into the aryballos. He put a stopper on the opening of the small flask, tied a thin strap around its neck and fastened it around his wrist under his shirt-sleeve. Since Bellatrix had caught him off guard all those years ago, getting him to reveal his secret tendre for Narcissa, he'd always carried a readily available Veritaserum antidote with him. Occlumency wasn't always enough.

But today, the antidote wouldn't be for him. The Dark Lord wanted to question the newest prisoner, and there was no way that he would let her spill Potter's secrets.

-----

Granger was huddled on the floor in a poor attempt to shield herself from the outside world. He hauled her up rather brutally so that she seemed to stumble against him involuntarily. Severus gripped her hair with his left hand and used his ample robe to hide his forcefully pouring the antidote to Veritaserum down her throat.

"You will be able to lie to the Dark Lord. I hope you've learnt Occlumency or he will know the truth. Don't doubt that he would then use another and much more unpleasant way to gather information," he whispered quietly near her ear.

-----

Hermione nodded her understanding imperceptibly. Things weren't what they looked like; Severus Snape hadn't betrayed them after all.

Voldemort interrogated her for interminable hours, alternating between straight questions, torture with the Cruciatus Curse and bouts of Legilimency. The good thing was that no Death Eater had been allowed to witness her ordeal; not even Snape, the Dark Lord's most trusted advisor. Not a human being—she didn't consider him as such and the serpent didn't count—saw her soil herself while she was lying to the most evil man she knew between harsh cries of pain or through gritted teeth.

-----

Mudblood Granger hadn't resisted the Veritaserum. He'd tortured her, of course, and had checked her truthfulness with Legilimency, but Veritaserum had been the most efficient means of getting information from her. She said that Potter was secretly being trained in the Dark Arts by an Order member in the hope of fighting fire with fire. The fool! The boy would never match him, whatever his efforts.

Voldemort had just made a grievous mistake; he'd ignored the greatest peril Veritaserum held for its users: overconfidence.

At his side, Severus felt relief and grief for the girl now reduced to a corpse.


	28. Fly Casual

**Fly Casual**

_Rating: G_

_Reread by Dacian Goddess_

* * *

Severus heard heartbreaking sobs coming from the bedroom he shared with Hermione. He found her crying her eyes out on their bed. 

"Hermione, what's wrong?" He was worried. He sat near her.

"Ron told me he thought I was better at polishing brooms than flying on them because I kept falling from my Comet. He said I glided so much along my broomstick that it was blinding him by too much arse-polishing."

"You know this was a lie. It may be true it is not your greatest strength, but you can fly."

Sitting up, she threw herself in his arms.

-----

"He told me: 'fly casual'. How am I supposed to fly casual? There is no such flying technique." Her sobs intensified. Severus felt his own heart clench at the sight and feel of her distress. He rocked her until she calmed down. His wife had always had insecurities, but they seemed to be brought out more than usual since she had become pregnant.

She raised her head and looked at him through her tears.

"You don't think that I'm lousy?"

Severus swore under his breath; there would be a Weasley missing by tomorrow morning.

"You can never be lousy, Hermione."


	29. No Daughter

**No Daughter**

_Rating: G_

_Reread by Dacian Goddess_

* * *

"Severus, there's no need to be so harsh on the students," Minerva chided sternly. 

"Why, Professor McGonagall, I happen to think that they are here to learn."

She snapped. "Of course they're here to learn, but they're here to live too. Last night, I found Miss Granger in the library, asleep on an essay you've assigned to her class. The poor girl has put her health in danger from fear of you. What would you think if your daughter was pushed beyond her limits by her teachers?"

Severus smirked. "It is very lucky, then, that I don't have a daughter."


	30. It's Like Breathing

**It's Like Breathing**

_Written for ayerf, with the prompt: Hermione and Severus try to outsnark each other._

_Rating: PG_

* * *

Severus was furious. "Your son borrowed Potter's broomstick without permission!" 

"I wasn't aware that I was the Virgin Mary. I believe Aurelius is your son as well," Hermione snapped.

"But he has inherited your most annoying habits. I remember you 'borrowing' Potions ingredients at school."

"The situation was dire!"

"Is that how you justify pilfering? Indeed you're no Virgin Mary; your morals are too low."

"My apologies. I wouldn't want to intrude on your territory, Lord Snark," Hermione sneered.

Around them, people carried on their conversation as if nothing were amiss. Bickering was as vital to the Snapes as breathing.


	31. Dad's Prosthesis

_Reread by Dacian Goddess. It's an adaptation of a drabble I've written in French._

**Dad's Prosthesis **

* * *

"Where are the children?" Severus asked suddenly.

Hermione looked up from her book. The quiet was indeed unusual, so unusual that she and Severus set off to search the house. Whispers guided them to the master bedroom.

"I told you not to touch it." Aurelius was chiding his older brother.

Severus and Hermione pushed the door open. The boys started and tried to hide a cardboard box behind them… THAT box!

Albus endeavoured to appeal to his mother's benevolence.

"I swear, mum, I didn't want to break Dad's prosthesis."

In his hands lay the two halves of a broken dildo.


	32. La Crème de la Crème

_Reread by Dacian Goddess._

**La Crème de la Crème **

* * *

"My dear Mrs. Snape, welcome to our home," Lucius Malfoy purred after having greeted her husband. "Narcissa will take care of you."

Narcissa led them to an elegant room where the i _crème de la crème _/i of wizarding society already stood. There, she endeavoured to introduce "Mrs Snape" to the other distinguished and very pure-blooded guests. She had been a perfect hostess, making sure that Hermione felt at ease, until Mr Parkinson asked, "Good Lord! Have your standards become that low, Narcissa?"

"This is Severus's wife, Jeffrey. You know that I would not let a Mudblood attend a party of ours."


	33. Severus's Real Secret

_Disclaimer: see first chapter._

_Thanks to Dacian Goddess for rereading this._

**Severus's Real Secret**

* * *

Severus had watched Granger and Weasley tiptoe around each other for months. Actually, he had noticed the boy long ago: as soon as he had stepped into the Great Hall for his Sorting. He had noticed Granger only by extension. Why didn't she give in and show the boy she reciprocated his affections? Why did he spend so much time thinking of them? He didn't like the answer, and ruthlessly shoved it to the back of his mind.

Ron Weasley had to be the most freckled boy he had ever met, and Severus had always so wanted to have freckles.


	34. Wet Memory

_Disclaimer: see first chapter._

_Reread by Dacian Goddess._

_Rating: G_

**Wet Memory**

* * *

"I think we should propose alternate activities for the students who can't go to Hogsmeade," Pomona Sprout insisted.

"And how do you suggest we do that when nearly all the teachers go to the village?" Filius Flitwick piped in.

The same endless, pointless debate was launched in the staff room. Shrill voices, 'dulcet tones' and heated arguments washed over Severus's ears, prompting him to block the outside noise and retire within himself. There, he sought out the memory that would soothe his hurt hearing: water falling along tiled walls and onto the enamel floor while Hermione sang under the shower.


	35. The Raid

_Thanks to Dacian Goddess for betaing._

_Rating: PG._

**The Raid**

* * *

"Yes, my sweet. This is the last time we visit this corridor. Tomorrow morning, we will leave this castle forever. We both deserve to retire in our cottage."

Mrs. Norris mewled her assent.

At that moment, Argus Filch heard a noise coming from the dark corridor before him and his cat. It was the kitchen door being closed. Two voices chuckled and two pairs of feet shuffled along the corridor, toward the ageing caretaker.

"Who's there?" Filch called, raising his hand to cast some light into the shadows with his lantern. He could make out two forms, male and female.

-----

"A pity I won't be there to supervise your detention," Filch sneered. "Stealing food like vulgar thieves! Headmaster Snape might have let me use the thumbscrews for my last detention."

The two offenders had stopped dead in their tracks, their arms laden with food. Filch advanced on them, but froze when he saw who he'd "caught".

"A pity, indeed," Severus Snape drawled. At his side, Professor Hermione Granger smirked.

"Headmaster? I didn't… I'm sorry…"

"Enough. I don't need to spend the night hearing your excuses. Go!" Severus ordered him. Filch left without further ado, his skeletal cat in his trail.

-----

Filch had barely turned round the corner than Hermione burst out laughing, dislodging some of the chocolate cake that topped the food lying in the cradle of her arms.

"Did… you… seeeee… his… face?" she managed to say between bouts of laughing.

Severus's lips twitched violently. "I did. I believe he will remember his last patrol at Hogwarts for a long time."

They both started to walk and climb the stairs leading to their rooms above Severus's office, not bothering to be quiet this time. The castle's portraits watched with benevolence the couple who had celebrated their twentieth anniversary today.

-----

As soon as they arrived at their flat, they put the food down on the table: pudding, chocolate mousse, lemon pie…

"Thank you for this wonderful evening, Severus," Hermione said. "It was one of our best anniversaries. All this sneaking around, trying to avoid Filch, had made me feel young again."

_I certainly hope so, _Severus thought. _I didn't ensure for us to be caught by Filch for nothing._

He grabbed Hermione's waist with one hand and a bowl of custard cream with the other and led her to their bedroom. "Come, my dear. Our celebration is far from over."


	36. La Bûche

_Written for adventdrabbles and reread by Dacian Goddess._

_This takes place in the _French Culture_'s universe._

* * *

"I'll have you know that I have the utmost respect for the French culture," Severus answered.

"Are you seeking a position at Beauxbâtons?" inquired McGonagall. She couldn't get over the fact that her colleague had preferred i _Bûche de Noël_ /i to pudding. She cast a disgusted glance at the rolled cake heavily covered with chocolate cream.

"No, Minerva, I am not. But I've learned to appreciate the finer points of certain French traditions." His gaze didn't leave his personal secretary for the International Board of Potions Masters' face; Hermione was licking custard from her spoon as if she was licking his tongue.


	37. Christmas Shopping

_Written for adventdrabble and reread by Dacian Goddess._

_I make no profit with this._

* * *

"Here, darling, here's the list. I'm sorry I can't go with you, but…"

"I know," Severus answered. "An emergency. Go, Hermione!"

"I love you!" She gave him a peck and Apparated to her office.

Severus picked up the shopping list Hermione had hastily scribbled down before she'd departed and eyed it warily; a Christmas tree, garlands, tinsels, mistletoe, holly and… a wraith. He knew that most of those things were essential to give their home a Christmassy feeling, but a ghost? Well, if she said so…

"You mean a wreath!" exclaimed the saleswoman to whom Severus had handed the list.


	38. Joining The Stars

_Written for adventdrabbles and reread by Dacian Goddess._

_Rating: G_

* * *

When Hermione woke up on Christmas morning, she found only stars in her stocking above the fireplace. A fiery red star: Ron. A twinkling star: Viktor. A wooden, hand-carved star: Hagrid. It was as if all her friends had conspired to fill her house with stars of all shapes, colours and brilliance. The last star was dark. When Hermione looked at it, she felt as if she'd fallen into blackness, both void and bliss, never to emerge again, and she relished the feeling.

"Oh, Severus!" she whispered. And she kissed the star.

She never noticed her body shimmering into emptiness.


	39. What Makes an Accident?

_Written for grangersnape100_

_Rating: PG_

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess_

* * *

"It was an accident," Severus bellowed. "How could I guess that my glass contained Polyjuice tainted with Weasley's essence instead of pumpkin juice? And that Miss Granger would mistake me for her paramour and 'jump' me before I could protest?"

"And you were unable to protest for an hour?" Dumbledore retorted.

Severus blushed and averted his eyes.

"I should probably suppose that the Polyjuice found its way into your glass by mistake too?"

"You very well know…"

"I know, Harry and Malfoy admitted to committing the prank. Now, I'd like to know what your intentions are for your unborn child."

-----

"It was an accident," Hermione yelled. "How could I have known it was Snape Polyjuiced into you?"

"Do I ever wear billowing black robes?" Ron replied.

Hermione blushed and averted her eyes.

"I didn't really pay attention to the clothes," she whispered, remembering how quickly they'd been discarded.

"Tell me, what did you pay attention to?"

It should have been physiologically impossible, but Hermione got redder. As an echo, Ron's ears took a similar shade.

"You're just a scarlet woman!"

Hermione's right hand left a permanent mark on the young man's cheek. He should never have insulted a pregnant woman.


	40. Published Author

_Written for ayerf, who made me a pretty virtual honorary beta medal, and beta'ed by Dacian Goddess._

* * *

Lucius tossed a stack of parchments at Hermione's feet. '_Demon's Slave_, the newest success of the Harlequin editions' was written at the top.

"I believe this belongs to you."

"You're mistaken…" she retorted, but Lucius interrupted her.

"You know that I am not." He leaned menacingly toward her. "Does Severus know you're a _published _ author?" he asked, emphasizing 'published' as if it were a filthy word. "However, my mind is open to an arrangement. If you two could be convinced to take part to some… activities… in my bedroom, I'll probably forget I ever laid my eyes on such drivel."


	41. Payback in Hot Blood

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess._

_Dedicated to ayerf._

_Warning: disturbing content, murder_

* * *

He was holding her against the wall using only the sheer intensity of his gaze.

"Didn't I promise you I would bring you food?" he snarled.

"I… I was hungry, I couldn't stay put," she stammered.

"You're still too young to hunt for yourself. Here, take your dinner."

He shoved a bundle into her trembling arms.

"I know that baby. It was mine," she remarked emotionlessly.

"And giving birth to it would have killed you, had I not intervened. Consider this as compensation for your present condition."

Without another word, she greedily planted her elongated teeth into the tiny body.


	42. Hairy Torture

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess. Written for grangersnape100._

_As usual, no Galleon is made with this._

* * *

"Tell me, Severus," Voldemort said, "what kind of torture have you planned for your prisoner?"

"One that will humiliate her beyond anything else, my Lord," Severus answered.

Silent but quite obviously wary, Hermione was sitting on a chair in the room where the two men were discussing her fate as if she weren't there.

Voldemort's red eyes alighted on the young woman. "You think she'll answer better to this than to physical torture?"

"Without a doubt, my Lord. She is very touchy on the matter," Severus replied with a smirk. "I've heard her prattling about it enough."

"Well, then, proceed."

--

Severus walked to the array of instruments displayed on a cloth on a table behind Hermione's chair and selected a razor blade after he'd rattled the instruments a bit to make them clang. Hermione's loud intake of air showed that she'd heard.

"I believe I'll start with this," Severus stated coldly. He passed the blade under the girl's nose; her eyes grew as big as saucers. She bit her lip to prevent herself from begging.

"I suggest you get seated, my Lord. The proceedings are likely to last some time."

Without further ado, Severus started to shave Hermione's hair methodically.


	43. Miss Bubbles

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess, written for subversa in thanks for her icons and first published on grangersnape100._

_Warning: extreme fluff._

* * *

"Miss Bubbles, would you please be a good little girl and drink your bottle without making a fuss about it?" Hermione asked, annoyance clear in her voice.

"Hermione, I'm sure calling our daughter that stupid nickname is the reason why she deems fit to protest," Severus said from his armchair.

"It isn't stupid! And I've called her that even before she was born!" Hermione protested.

Severus's only answer was a snort.

"Besides, dear husband," she continued, "you speak too much in your sleep."

Severus blanched at her words.

"I remember hearing you singing lullabies to 'Miss Bubbles' two nights ago."


	44. A Bird in her Belly

_Beta'ed by Dacian Goddess._

_Written for grangersnape100 and inspired by a real dream_

* * *

Hermione gazed down at her belly, wondering how it was possible she had swallowed such a thing: a tiny bird's head was protruding from the surface of her belly, where her stomach was supposed to be. She could clearly see the beak, the grey-brown feathers and the black eyes. Yet she knew—how she knew she couldn't explain—that the skin of her belly encased the bird. This was defying all logic: how could she see something that was covered by skin? Her mind couldn't wrap itself around the concept, and gazing at the intruder obviously didn't grant any answers.

--

And there was that strange sensation as well: the bird was flapping its small wings against its fleshy cage. She couldn't see them―they were buried in her stomach, unlike the head―but the feeling was unmistakable. It was a bit weird, but not painful nor disagreeable. And the mystery of the bird's presence was no more resolved now than it'd been a couple of minutes ago.

Hermione opened her eyes; it was dark and she was in bed. Beside her, Severus was breathing deeply in his sleep. In her round belly, their daughter was moving her little feet near her stomach.


	45. A Slice To Lick

_Written for bluestocking and beta'ed by Dacian Goddess._

_No money is made with this._

* * *

It was there, sitting alone in the middle of the plate, taunting them with its dark brown coat. Who would win the race and get to it first?

The tension in the room was palpable. Severus's eyes darted ceaselessly from Hermione's hand to the last slice of chocolate cake, calculating how to thwart her. Hermione was probably going through elaborated Arithmantic equations in her mind to determine the shortest way from her hand to the cake.

They struck at the same moment and smashed the slice of cake. They had to settle for licking the crumbs off each other's hands.


	46. Vengeful Plot Bunnies

_Written for ayerf and beta'ed by dacian goddess._

* * *

Hermione, Severus and Lucius were gazing at the dead plot bunny.

"At least we got it before it got us," Lucius remarked.

"Thank heavens," Hermione echoed. "It was the sappy story plot bunny."

"It's a pity that this particular plot bunny reproduces faster and more than the others. Its progeny might want to get revenge," Severus said.

His two companions shuddered. They'd rather meet the depressing story plot bunny than be trapped in another disgustingly sugary story.

"Let's not linger here," Lucius suggested. "We have yet to find the threesome plot bunny and ask it to give us political asylum."


	47. Predator's Instinct

_beta'ed by the lovely Juno Magic.

* * *

_

Crookshanks swept the floor with the mouse he had caught. His prey managed to regain its balance and flee. Not fast enough, though. One leap was enough for the half-Kneazle to catch up. He toyed with the mouse for a while before sinking his teeth in the smaller animal's neck. Then he sought a reward from his masters.

"You're worse than a psychopath, Crooks," Hermione crooned. "Three mice in one day. Even serial killers aren't that greedy."

She offered him some milk, then grabbed her dagger and cut off a finger from the woman tied to her and Severus's worktable.


	48. The Suitcase

_Many thanks to melusin for the beta.

* * *

_

"Severus, what are you planning to achieve by staring at that suitcase?"

"Didn't you tell me once that Muggle killers manage to put corpses in suitcases?"

"Indeed, but after they'd cut them up. Why do you ask?"

"Tell me, Hermione, do you think it would work with Dumbledore's portrait?"

"Er, probably."

"You see, when he was still alive, I threatened to hex him if he offered me another lemon drop. I thought I had solved the problem permanently when, you know… but his portrait has taken to carrying on that disgusting habit of his."

"Darling, you'll need a bigger suitcase."


	49. Her First Lover

_Thanks to Melusin for the betaing.

* * *

_

Severus had saved her when he'd pushed Ronald Weasley in front of the Avada Kedavra destined for her. Yet she had always believed the red-head had sacrificed himself. This belief irritated Severus highly, but he never protested. On the contrary, he showed great patience when she went to cry on her first lover's tomb every year.

"Hermione, it's time to go."

He took her in his arms.

"He's been dead for thirty years," she wailed. "Because of me."

"Don't be ridiculous."

Severus led her away from the cemetery. He would make sure Hermione Snape never knew how right she was.


	50. Better Than SpeedDating

_Thanks to Melusin for the quick beta_

* * *

Phineas Nigellus was rushing through portraits; he was on his way to the bi-dimensional speed-dating organised by the Ministry portraits.

He was still in Hogwarts halls when he heard something that stopped him dead—so to speak—in his tracks. He glanced into an unused corridor and saw the Potions professor and the Head Girl, both nearly naked.

"Oh yes, Professor Snape, do that again!"

"Ah, Miss Granger. It feels so good to be inside you."

Phineas was going to be late, but he didn't care. Old paintings with tarnished varnish couldn't be more interesting than what he was witnessing.


	51. Solving Problems Snape Style

_Thanks to Melusin for the quick beta.

* * *

_

Zero. Nothing. Zilch.

What kind of curse was that? Severus's latest invention? Hermione touched her flat chest in case she might be wrong. Still nothing.

"You bastard! How dare you? I don't have breasts, anymore! I look like a man!"

"Then what can I do to make you satisfied, my dear?"

The look of self-satisfaction on Severus's face was utterly irritating.

She stomped. "Give me my breasts back!"

Severus sighed quite melodramatically and answered, "Really, you're an ungrateful wife. You are always complaining about your breasts. I was just trying to be helpful by removing the source of your discontent."


	52. 0011100000111

Thanks to Melusin for the beta.

* * *

010001001110110

When Severus had accepted the Minister of Magic's proposition, he was far from imagining that he would have to learn all this gobbledygook. Maybe he ought to have stayed in Azkaban. But no, he had chosen "freedom", even if living without magic in the Muggle world had been the condition. At the time, it had sounded better than being a post-Dementor zombie. Contemplating the series of zeros and ones, he was not so sure anymore.

"Work in the computer industry," she said. "You'll never lack work."

Never, ever listen to your solicitor, especially when she is called Hermione Granger.


	53. Unisex Toy

_Thanks to Melusin for the beta

* * *

_

"Hermione, might you be unsatisfied with my services?" Severus asked while his hands roamed over his wife's body, lingering on her most sensitive and hidden places.

"No. Why?" she moaned more than answered.

"Because of the box delivered earlier today. It contained several dildos."

Silence.

"Only unsatisfied women use that kind of toy." Severus's voice was soft and dangerous.

Hermione turned to her husband, a mischievous smile on her face. "My dear Severus, let me show you how unisex those toys can be."

Severus was thoroughly convinced by the end of Hermione's demonstration, if his missing voice was any indication.


	54. My Lover's Best Friend is my Enemy

_Thanks to Melusin for the beta_

* * *

Lucius and Severus were quietly discussing their post-war projects. Through her Extendable Ears, Hermione was listening intently to their discussion from her hiding place in Severus's bedroom.

"If we win," Lucius said, "you'll be able to publish that Dark Arts book you've been working on for ages."

The young woman realised then that the deep friendship between the two men could destroy all her efforts to keep Severus on the Order's side. Lucius obviously knew that that book was Severus's weakness, and he was using it. Thankfully he didn't know about the other one: Hermione Granger. And he never would.


	55. Dumbledore's Last Cause

_Thanks to Melusin for the beta_

* * *

"Hermione, explain to me again why we paid thirty Galleons each to eat something that abject?"

"This is a charity dinner to support the cause of the Untouchables in India, Severus. Your attendance was specified in Dumbledore's will. You can't escape this."

"The old fart certainly knows how to hold a grudge, even from beyond the veil."

"Dumbledore knew you wouldn't feel any remorse in killing him, but he never wanted to get revenge. I rather believe he wanted you to become a better man, whether you wanted to or not."

"I've never needed anyone to take care of my karma!"


	56. Rita Skeeter's Revenge

_Thanks to Melusin for the beta.

* * *

_

"My, my, this is very interesting, Mr Weasley," Rita Skeeter crooned.

George Weasley thought the journalist was a bit too close to him, but he needed her cooperation to humiliate Severus Snape. The man had come out of the war whiter than snow. That wouldn't do.

"Yes, I assure you he has a girlfriend. So far, he's steadfastly refused to reveal her name."

George used his best conspirator look to make sure his message got across.

"Don't worry, Mr Weasley. Severus Snape won't know what's hit him."

Rita winked and left. George wondered if he had done the right thing.

*

Three days later, the i_Daily Prophet/i_ published a torrid picture of a half-naked Severus Snape kissing an equally half-naked Hermione Granger. That particular issue of the newspaper fed more than one solitary fantasy in Great Britain. The couple had to live as recluses for months afterwards.

At long last, Rita had her revenge for being cooped up in a glass jar, though she would never be able to savour it publicly: she wasn't stupid enough to sign the article with her real name.

As for George, he felt like he'd been hoisted by his own petard. Hermione and Snape... brrr.


	57. CandleLit Life

_Written for Lola's arrival._

_Thanks to Melusin for the beta._

* * *

Bill caught Lola's hand while Hermione took the cake and the candle away from her little hands.

"No, little Missy, you don't," he gently admonished her.

Lola grunted in protestation. She so wanted to touch the pretty little light.

Severus watched his family with fondness. Lola was one year old already. She was the prettiest baby ever with her deep blue eyes, her pink little mouth and her black curly hair. She was the synthesis of her three parents.

A feeling akin to divine ecstasy rose in him as their angel smiled and laughed. A sigh escaped his lips. "Lola."


	58. Bubble Bath

_Thanks to Melusin for the fast beta. This is set in the universe of Geneamorology, but it's not necessary to have read the fic._

* * *

"Severus, there's a bottle of Champagne missing!" Hermione screeched.

"What are you implying, dear wife?"

"Nothing," she answered distractedly. There was still so much to do before their guests arrived. "Where are Sabine and Julia?"

"Upstairs."

Hermione went off faster than Potter's Firebolt. Another screech informed Severus that she had found their daughters. After a while, she came back with an empty bottle of Champagne in her hand.

"The girls took the bottle," she explained.

Severus tried not to sound too worried. "Did they drink it?"

"No." Hermione snorted. "They made a bubble bath for their dolls with the Champagne."


End file.
